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Golf Quotes

Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Mark Twain.

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
G.K. Chesterton.


They throw their clubs backwards, and that's wrong. You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it.
Tommy Bolt, about the tempers of modern players.

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.
Joey Adams.

Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one.
Martha Beckman.

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.
Author Unknown.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
Attributed to both Miller Barber and Lee Trevino.

Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study Shanks - No Thanks by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard's excellent Tennis for Beginners.
Henry Beard, Golfing, 1985.

Golf is life. If you can't take golf, you can't take life. Author Unknown.

In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right over second base.
Ken Harrelson.

If I can hit a curveball, why can't I hit a ball that is standing still on a course?
Larry Nelson.

Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom.
Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1967.

If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head.
Harry Vardon.

Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective.
Huxtable Pippey.

A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water.
Bob Ryan.

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.
Bob Hope.

Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.
Lee Trevino.

I've spent most of my life golfing... the rest I've just wasted. Unknown.

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken.
Raymond Floyd.

My handicap? Woods and irons.
Chris Codiroli.

The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.
John Updike.

Even God has to practice his putting.
Golf Saying.

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that.
Jim Murray.

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.
Pete Dye.

I'd play every day if I could. It's cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart.
Brent Musburger.

If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.
Lee Trevino.

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
Jim Bishop.

I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them.
Harry Toscano.

I know I am getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators.
Gerald Ford.

"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is "Wear it if it clashes."
Henry Beard, Golfing, 1985.

I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there.
Bob Hope, about his golfing.

I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don't put the right address on it.
Jim Dent.

It is more satisfying to be a bad player at golf. The worse you play, the better you remember the occasional good shot.
Nubar Gulbenkian, 1972.

Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses.
Adlai Stevenson.

I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.
Gerald Ford.

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.
Chi Chi Rodriguez.

I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.
Bob Hope.

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
Chi Chi Rodriguez, on his Puerto Rican accent.

Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility. It has given me an understanding of futility of the human effort.
Abba Eban.

It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
Hank Aaron, 1971.

Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything.
Michael Bamberger.

One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something.
Peter Jacobsen.

A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at 6 o'clock and make it go toward 12 o'clock. But make sure you're in the same time zone.
Chi Chi Rodriguez.

Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day. You have to play the whole game.
Phil Blackmar.

Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around.
Rick Reilly, "Master Strokes," Sports Illustrated.

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